I worked in a bar for almost three years. Today I'd like to share one of the many things that occured to me while I was working there: different cultures, different bar culture. In my experience, many foreigners assume the drinking culture in another country is the same than in their homecountry.Surprise! It's not.
While there are of course Germans that commit bar etiquette mistakes as well, they're just being assholes, as they should know how to behave in their own country. This can't be changed, sadly. But most foreigners that make these mistakes, are just not aware - which could be easily avoided. Just read on.
1. Socialising. Do not bring any friends to a bar. Do not meet anybody you know there, either. Just talk to random strangers. Most Germans are perfectly comfortable with strangers talking to them, happily embracing the possibility to chat with a perceived drunkard, lunatic, or, in the case of women, a possible rapist. Also, go and ask some strangers wether you can sit with them, especially if there are many other free tables. Germans are generally fond of making new acquaintances in this way.
2. Time. Come at seven o'clock, and make sure to drink exactly one beer over the course of the next three hours because nothing happens. Bar life in Germany usually starts at about 10 o'clock, but you should take your time to get in the mood. If the waiter asks you if you want anything else, make sure to send them away every time, looking annoyed. Also make sure you chose the table with the most seats for waiting there for the fun to start, too. Insist on your right to sit there alone if the waiter asks you wether you would trade places with a larger group.
3. Service. Germans have the bad habit of serving you at your table. They only introduced this to make the naive respect the bar queue, so you should directly go to the bar and ask for your drinks there. You jumping the invisible queue is much appreciated by the whole bar staff, and you will receive applause for your cleverness. As Germans are famous for being not very fond of rules, especially social rules, go for it. Also, this has another added benefit. As you will bring your drinks back to your table yourself, skipping the waiter, you have a good reason not to give any tips.
4. Tips. Do not ever tip a waiter in Germany. The lazy fucks deserve their crappy job and are absolutely overpaid. They should be happy to serve you.Why didn't they go to school? Wait, most waiters in bars are students? So, why are they not studying then? So forget about stupid rules like 10% of the total amount. Germans just make them up to appear generous. The staff will surely remember you fondly, seeing that you do not believe in such nonsense, like every well-cultured, sensible person. Maybe they will even admire you a little. Especially if you show them their place by constantly placing special orders.
5. Beer. You will notice that on German beer, you get quite a layer of foam. Do not be irritiated by Germans telling you that in Germany, this is seen as a sign of quality. In fact, the staff is trying to cheat you by serving you mostly foam. Ignore that there is a calibration mark on the glass, above which the foam starts. This has been tinkered with, of course.
6. Smoking. Smoking is not allowed in most places in Germany. Show your protest by smoking anyways, insisting that it is too cold outside or that you do not like the design of the smoker's room. Germans like rebels. Make sure to stress that smoking is allowed everywhere in your country, even if it is not, and that the Germans are nazis for prohibiting it - ignore that the smoking ban is not a German, but an EU law. Additionally, all Germans like being called nazi, or even are secret nazis, you are actually complimenting them.
7. Payment. It may appear that many people pay seperately in Germany, each for their own drinks. But this is in fact not the way to do it. Insist that everybody on the table should share the bill evenly, or pay a certain amount into a drinking pot. Then make sure to drink the most expensive drinks, or the most, so you can get the most out of it. It is your friend's fault if they are not drinking quick enough or too cheap, not yours. Also, pay every round of drinks directly when you get them. The waiter will greatly appreciate the chance to get additional small change everytime you order instead of some big bills at the end. For this reason, only use the smallest coins available to you when paying.
I hope this helps. If I remember anything else, I will post it.
(image: Nataraj Metz via flickr. Thank you!)
